Rebelling

A good friend gave me a talking-to on Friday about how I’m always trying to do too much. And he’s right. I woke up absolutely hating everything today. The house is too neutral, I was disappointed with the work the landlord had done in the bathroom – he seems to do everything on the cheap and often without consideration for how it looks or functions, so in changing the shower setup so we can shower without crouching, he removed the good quality, perfectly functional and convenient mixer tap and replaced it with two cheap taps, so we no longer have the convenience of staggering, half-asleep into the bathroom & just lifting the mixer tap, knowing it’s on the right temperature – we’re back to faffing around with trying to get the temperature right before we can step in. And they’re the sort of taps where the colour panels on top start unwinding themselves the instant you start to use them. And the plumber put them on the wrong way round so hot says cold and vice versa. Small things, but enough to set off an attack of the glums.

So I spent a fair chunk of the morning thinking about how I can make the house brighter and better and feel more like home than rental accommodation. And I think I’ve at least settled on a palette of red, orange and teal. It’s kind of hard to make stuff go with the oatmealy walls because they’re neutral but not truly neutral – in the kitchen, for example, depending on the time of day and available light, like right now (overcast, indoor lighting on) one wall looks pale yellow, the other looks almost apricot. But it’s the same colour. So I think strong colours are really the only way to tackle it. Anything else will be wishy washy.

On the plus side, this fit of frustration made me get up and do some tidying and cleaning and to write some lists of all the things we need to buy or get done before my parents arrive in about 3 weeks’ time. I put on the CD of Tripod vs the Dragon which we bought at the show in Edinburgh (awesome!) and sorted a bunch of stuff out.

Djelibeybi had to go to Andover in the evening so I caught the train with him as far as Shepherd’s Bush, bought some stuff for dinner and wandered round the shops & finally caved on the beautiful little red & orange Le Creuset Poterie ramekins I’ve been eyeing off for at least 2 years. They were a little more expensive than I’d seen them elsewhere, but I was so desperate for colour that I just thought ’sod it’ and took them to the counter… Where I discovered they were 20% off!

And then I decided to take the evening off too – house to myself, Wiener schnitzel for my tea, I made apple and raspberry crumble in the ramekins and watched a whole DVD of Season 1 of Chuck. Happiness!

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A-tidying I’ll go

Indeed, have gone! Our landlord’s coming tomorrow with plumber to do some repairs/improvements, and everything was such a mess that I really felt I needed to clear some stuff up, so I’ve done 2 loads of laundry, put away the clean sheets that were drifting about for ages, cleaned out the fridge, put out the rubbish, put on the dishwasher, tidied the remnant laundry which was flowing out of the basket and all over the floor and generally neatened things up. I even managed to clear out and get rid of another box. I know (like yesterday’s) that this isn’t hugely creative in a concrete sense, but for me being tidy is often a first step to getting my brain in the right place to actually do some work. So yay!

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Ah finances

Well, it may not be hugely creative but one thing’s for sure: getting one’s financial records up to date sure helps clear the brain to make way for more exciting stuff. Plus there’s the pleasure of ticking things off the to-do list and feeling super-organised!

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The Crash

I’d actually forgotten about this poor little blog. There’s just been so much going on over the past month – work, the piece for London New Wind Festival (stress and heartbreak over that one – more on that later, I suspect), my healing ankle (good news on that one, at least!), a week off frantically working on the piece, then frantically trying to get the house in order & achieve other chores before zooming off to Edinburgh to sample the Festival for a few brief days and go to a meeting in Dundee. And of course, while in Scotland I accidentally relaxed, and within 4 hours had the flu. Which I still have, a week and a half later.

So now I am at home, bored, frustrated and wanting to get things done but lacking the actual physical strength to do it. Every nap is plagued with hideous nightmares (this afternoon I was being chased at vast speed by an aggressive eagle, last night I woke whimpering at 3am thinking my legs were wound around with hundreds of red and black centipedes) which usually indicates that my creative brain is running and ready to go… except that I don’t have the strength to actually do very much.

So it’s been a tad on the frustrating side, really. And we’re nearing the end of August now. The piece is due in final form, with parts, on 1 September; on 21 September my parents arrive for 3 months and we all go to Paris for a week, which I’m quite looking forward to – when my brain lets go of the panic of all the pages and pages of things that need to be done before then – everything ranging from doing some handwashing (working out the best way to do handwashing in our new flat) to getting the landlord to take away the horrible lumpy bed in what will be the parents’ room to harassing Djelibeybi to organise a passport for Number One Son who is supposed to be coming to live with us next year. Not to mention getting back to my harmony studies, the Satie/Dada article, the web book, reworking my website and actually doing something about the many, many incomplete projects that are lying about the place…

Now I’m going to stop thinking about it and maybe go and do a little gentle baking, if the germ will let me stay standing for that long.

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Wrote a list of everything I’m trying to do

It filled a whole A4 page. Without really trying. Which is rather scary, I think. Conclusion: I’m expecting too much of myself, and because I’m too tired to be rational, I’m blaming others for not apparently putting in as much effort as I’d like them too (even though they have their own stuff going on). I think this has been useful. Unfortunately there’s very little I can ditch off the list right now, but at least now I have a better handle on why I’m falling apart so I can hopefully be a bit kinder to myself and a bit more forgiving of others. Or at least that’s the plan. Oh look – a plan. That’s another thing for the list. *sigh*

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Played my flute for a little…

and thought about my sheet-music shopping list: thinking Telemann solo Fantasias, Poulenc Sonata, Chaminade Concertino, the Roussel Jouers de flute – and maybe a little Bach? That ought to keep me occupied for a while

Oh and I cleared a hole in my to-do list too – no more overdues!!

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Finally tackled my intray

and managed to chuck a lot of stuff too! Yay!

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Started hunting for a song text

for the choral piece that’s to be my project to begin this weekend. I’m thinking a psalm, but using both Latin and English versions, mixed up together.

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Tested out a new productivity technique

I’ve read a lot lately about a productivity technique called the pomodoro technique which I’ve been thinking could be useful as a way of organising myself into some more regular composition. So I gave it a go today while working from home and I have to say first impressions are quite positive. I’m definitely going to continue the experiment.

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Made chocolate chip & cranberry biscuits

and did a lot of preparation for Saturday night’s Christmas feast – we put the turkey in its brine, peeled and cut up the potatoes, made the rice pudding base for the ris a l’amande and wrote up a big minute-by-minute plan for getting everything to the table on time

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